The creation of the Brain Tumor is a time honored tradition here at the Institute of Hyperexcitability. They generally make their appearance at the first D.O.D. during the holiday season and then pop up from time to time whenever we want to get lobotomized.
Making a good brain tumor is more a work of art than a scientific process. You can get the recipe here but it requires years of practice to make a truly good tumor.
Part I - Preparation
Before you actually begin making your tumor, you must first prepare
the appropriate material. Here is a list of things that you will need:
1. Full surgical dress (including facemask and booties)
2. Three very large syringes
3. Sterile 50ml conical tubes (skirted works best)
4. Alcohol ( Vodka and Bailey's Irish Cream)
5. Rose's Sweet Lime Juice
6. Grenadine (only needed if you like your tumors bloody)
7. Tunes
8. And, most importantly: A large group of alcoholics
Technique is very important when creating the brain tumor. Full body coverage is necessary, so begin by putting on the proper protective clothing. Then fill the syringes: one with lime juice, one with Bailey's, and one with grenadine. Next, line up your 50ml conical tubes, and remove all of the caps. Now you are almost ready to make tumors in mass quantity. Finally, find your best party CD's and crank the tunes.
Tumorgenesis
1. Pour about 20ml of vodka into a 50ml conical tube (sterile)
2. Inject 10cc of lime juice into the 50ml tube
3. Add Bailey's Irish Cream dropwise to the tube (this step is critical
for proper tumor appearance, it should look like a small brain)
4. Optional - inject 5cc of Grenadine to create a bloody brain tumor
5. Pass the tumors around and shoot them back
6. Repeat as necessary
Malignancy
You know a brain tumor is a good one when it becomes malignant. A
malignancy is apparent when the party grows beyond the bounds of the
room and metastasizes to other areas, causing people there to develop an
undying urge for a drink.
The aftermath of too many tumors...
